Time Flies.

I can't believe that it has seriously been 8 months since I was in China. This time last year I had just recently found out that I had been accepted to go on the trip. I was full of anticipation and nerves. Today, a year later, I'm full of love, awe, and to be honest, a little bit of heartbreak. You see, when we left the foster home I'm pretty sure that part of my heart was ripped out as we drove away. It stayed there as I flew home.

I miss my time with those babies. With the nannies. With Hannah and the sweet staff that work so hard and pray even harder for these precious little lives.

I witnessed true miracles while I was there. Things that I will never forget, and never stop praising God for. Oh, how it fills my heart with joy just to be reminded of the great works He did while we were there.

How I wish I was back there...How I wish I could just touch their little faces, little hands. I would give anything to smell like baby again, and have formula stains all over my clothes. To feel the immense heat of little tiny bodies sleeping soundly in my arms. To hear the laughter that a simple game of peek-a-boo elicits.

I miss Colton and Levi screaming "WO BU YAO TOM!" while I had to physically carry them away from the beagle that stared so sappily at us, wondering what on earth he had done.

I miss Josiah reaching for me yelling in his language for me to pick him up, even though he was so heavy I couldn't manage for very long. :)

I miss Lena's beautiful eyes, and her smile when we played every afternoon.

Most of all, I miss my chunky Michael. What I would give for a few more moments with him. That little one stole my heart in a way I never thought possible. I would do anything to bring him home. I wish with every fiber of my being that it wasn't impossible. I miss him so much it hurts.

It's completely selfish of me to say, but I'm sure I will cry when the day comes that he is matched with a family that isn't mine. Of course I will be thrilled for him, but I will miss always wonder about him. I will always love my little chunk.


I wish I could go back and bring Lawrence with me so he could experience the wonder and the beauty of God's love for the orphan. Adoption has always been part of our plan, but it was never made more concrete with me than when I was in China. I want him to see what I saw, and feel what I continue to feel. There is nothing so beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time.

Maybe someday I can go back. One day we will go, I'm sure. And when we do, we will be bringing home our baby.


How I long for that day.